Mammogram

I received a letter at the end of last year inviting me to have a mammogram.

“But I’m not 50!” I shouted at the piece of paper, before reading the small print saying I’d been specially selected for an early one. How nice.

The date was just a few weeks away; the location – in the car park of the local health centre. Yay!

The day arrived and as I walked into said car park, my heart sank. Discreet it was not. The large trailer announced – in two foot high letters – that this was, indeed, the “BREAST SCREENING SERVICE”. Thanks for that; I wouldn’t have spotted the thirty foot long metal box without it.

Could I sneak in and out quietly? No. It was necessary to clamber up a rickety metal staircase, announcing my ascent with eight resounding clangs as I took each step. I might as well have carried a banner stating “GETTING MY TITS OUT FOR THE GALS!”

Inside, I was greeted by a nice receptionist who asked a few simple questions before asking me to go into booth number 1, strip to the waist and wait until I was called.

A door closed, my door opened.

“Come in, Mrs Goldsack”

“Miss,” I muttered under my breath.

“My name’s Sarah and I’ll be squishing your boobs for you today.”

“Lovely! Thanks, Sarah.”

It was over quickly and painlessly. I was ushered back into my booth to get dressed. The door had barely closed before I heard the door to what I assume was booth 2.

“Come in… My name’s Sarah and I’ll be squish…”

It was a production line of boob squishing.

I dressed quickly and could only manage a quick “Bizarre!” to the receptionist as I made my way, clickety click, down the staircase.

Bizarre, because I could imagine how a cow would feel being led in and out of the milking shed.

I’ve had the results now: “No sign of cancer.” Whilst that’s great to know, I think, just to add a little bit of sparkle to the ordeal, the letter should be reworded to say…

“Congratulations! You have beautiful, healthy boobies.”

I’d like that.

2015

Happy new year to you, lovely reader.

I have made a resolution to post on my sites at least once each day. I have three sites – 1095 posts on their way to you!

I’ve also made a resolution to engage with everyone who comments on my posts. I’m very good at responding, but often it’s in my head with an internal promise to reply on ‘paper’ when I get home to my desktop PC where it’s easier for me to type; except now that I’ve got a tablet and a smartphone, I very rarely switch it on.

Which leads me neatly on to another resolution. Turn on the desktop PC every day and start writing and recording songs again – something I failed to do in 2014, due to having a new relationship, complete with kitten and puppies, and gallivanting around with my beloved.

I’ve missed the music even though I’ve been doing quite a bit of performing! There’s nothing quite like giving it my all in the broom cupboard (not a euphemism).

I look forward to getting to know you all via my new-found interactive mindset and here’s to a fantastic 2015!